Oblivion
by BeforeTheStorm15
Summary: "…There were so many good people who were placed to help you, to protect you from this darkness…and I was one of them" Scene re-write in which Merlin and Morgana finally have the confrontation they deserved. 5x13 AU.


**A/N:** So this is how, in my mind, I imagined the final Merlin/Morgana confrontation to be. I was going to keep switching point of views but I don't think I could write as Morgana very convincingly so I kept to Merlin's point of view. I found it extremely hard to write as Merlin as well but I do hope that I've kept to his traits and done the characters, and the show, justice.

Although I _did_ enjoy the finale immensely as a whole package, I do have to admit that I was vastly disappointed in the final scene between these two; I mean, what happened to their friendship long ago? Surely Merlin would've brought up all the times he tried to help and tried to save her. I think my broken Mergana heart is taking over the typing now so I'll just leave you with this beautiful song that inspired this one-shot;

…_Are you going to age with grace?_

_Are you going to leave a path that joins?_

_Are you going to age with grace?_

_Or only to wake and hide your face._

_Well oh, oblivion._

_Is calling out your name._

_You always take it further,_

_than I ever can…_

_**-'Oblivion' by Bastille**_

"Avalon…" Merlin whispers, and gently removes Arthur's arm from around his shoulders. Helping the wounded king into a resting position, he lies Arthur down gently. ", We'll get there"

Desperately resisting the urge to order his wounded friend on, he instead allows a brief moment to survey the island below. Seemingly barren and bare, Avalon stretches out in a circular mound-like structure and Merlin can barely muster up the strength to believe that it is the key to saving Arthur. Although Gaius has said it was the source of great power that would save him, Merlin had long since learnt the tragic lesson of false hope.

Suddenly, the silence is crippled by frightened neighs. Clambering to his feet quickly, Merlin's useless shouts briefly echo across the forest in waves before he gives up entirely. Watching helplessly from afar, he takes no further action as the horses break out into a fearful run, and disappear further into the trees. Gone.

"Hello, Emrys"

He would know her voice anywhere.

Spinning around once more, he had little time to acknowledge Morgana before she sent him flying but he took her bedraggled appearance with a mixed feeling of regret, sadness, and anger; regret at the help he could've offered, sadness at the thought of the beautiful kind-hearted girl she had once been, and anger at all the misery and pain that had been caused by her bitter hand.

Even as she sent him rearing backwards into the air with barely a flick of a hand, he could not help but feel for the broken child who stood over him.

Landing with a painful crunch, his must've collided with a tree stump or sharp rock collection as his back exploded with pain, rippling across his skin in waves. It took every ounce of strength he could muster not to cry out in agony, but he refused to allow Morgana the satisfaction of benefitting from the fall.

Whilst every inch of his body screamed at him to pass out, Merlin shook the ringing out of his ears and tried to focus on Morgana. She was slowly making her way down to the fallen Arthur, and although his vision was floating in and out of focus, he could tell she had made a fatal mistake in ridding her troubles of him just yet. The metallic taste of blood rippled across his tongue and he folded inwardly; ignoring the compulsion to gag at the sickening taste.

He tried to sit up, using what was indeed a tree stump, and just about managed to prop himself up and survey the High Priestess and the Once and Future King. Morgana was now crouched down, speaking softly to Arthur in what seemed like gloating. All Merlin could strain to make out was "…not so tall and mighty now…you've lost the war…let you die alone…watch over you…"

Her twisted smile was visible even from afar.

_Come on; get up!_ He hissed under his breath quietly as not to alert Morgana.

_Get up…_

_Up!_

With shaking hands, he clutched his bruised, left side firmly and began advancing towards the two figures with stealth. Silently, he approached them and withdraw Arthur's sword from the leather sheath a few feet away. Only then, when he was ready to confront, did he announce his presence. Morgana spun around the instant the sword was unsheathed. Staring him down in violent manner, the only emotion left in her once sparkling eyes was a burning desire of hatred and revenge. Only then, when reliving in that spark, did Merlin truly accepted that she really was just an empty, broken shell of the girl he used to know.

With regret settling deep in his heart once more, his grieving eyes opposed her stony expression in perfect contrast. Light to dark. Good to Evil. Heaven to Hell. "No," His tone was hoarse from the fall. ", the time for all this bloodshed is over…"

Quickly glancing down at Arthur, he saw that his friend had once again passed over into unconsciousness. Another glance showed the rise and fall of his chest to be of normal pace so Merlin allowed his attention to draw back to the High Priestess…

…his mortal enemy…

… his old friend…

Gripping it tightly, the sword's icy handle cut into his skin like teeth. "I blame myself for what you've become-"

"Why?" Morgana's eyes narrowed into hard, emotionless slit and the sudden drop in the atmosphere was freezing. Her pale hands were quivering by her side, though whether in anger or hidden fear Merlin did not know.

Without even considering a reply, Morgana's own had startled him; and he froze on the spot. He didn't think he could do this; talk through all the mistakes he had made when it came to the woman who stood before him. But he could try.

"Morgana…"

She flinched, as if the mere mention of her name was painful.

Lowering the sword, he allowed for all those regrets to tumble out into the night. After all, if not now then when? "…I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you, for everything that's made you become…_this_ person. There were so many good people who were placed to help you, to protect you from this darkness…and I was one of them"

"You never even tried to help," She hissed, but it came out as if spoken by a hurt child. ", at every opportunity you had given to you, you chose to oppose me. And if my memory serves me correctly, you even tried to poison me just to save your beloved Camelot!"

It was true.

Merlin had always remembered it to be one of those moments when you feel like you have no choice. Then he recalled what Guinevere had told him during one of those moments a long time ago; _"In life you always have a choice, sometimes it's easier to think you don't…" _and he knew that although there might've been another way to save Camelot, poisoning Morgana had been his decision. His entirely.

"I know" He replied, quietly. "But you cannot blame that for all the choices _you_ have made also that led us here, Morgana"

"I know" She mirrored, and Merlin could feel the anger fading from her as she stood there; watching him with eyes now tainted with strengthened guilt and betrayal.

Although, now it was Merlin's turn to raise his voice, and the hurt inside doubled the volume instantly; overpowering the night with bittersweet rage. "And do not even _dare_ to say that I did not try and help you, Morgana!"

She drew back slightly, her eyes widening at the enraged boy standing before her. What happened to the clumsy serving boy who meddled in her every plan? Only now, after knowing that boy was her doom…_Emrys_…could she finally understand his loyalty towards her brother.

Blind with new-found fury, Merlin surged on. ", _I saved you so many times and you never knew!_ When you attempted to _murder_ Uther on the night of your birthday, I followed you. I wanted to stop you, make you realise who you were becoming…_but it was too late! _ T-there was fire…and I can't remember but the next minute you were falling down the stairs and unconscious. It was my fault, and I regretted my actions _instantly_, Morgana," He paused, his chest rising and falling heavily as he attempted to regain his breath.

She blinked once in surprise. "It was you? You were the one who made me fall that night…?" She whispered, shocked. But then she narrowed her eyes again and raised her voice to an equally storming level as his. "_How is that saving me, Merlin?_ Saving me would've been confiding in me right from the beginning! I _told you_ I had magic! I _trusted you_ with that secret and you _left me _to suffer with my so called gift _alone! _Why did you never tell me?!"

"Because although I thought I trusted you…there must have been a part that already knew what was going to happen, so I felt it was best to help you from afar; and guide you without you knowing it directly from me. I sent you to the druids for help-"

"Yes, and then you brought me back because Uther's men came after the entire camp…because of you!"

"Can you remember anything other than hatred, Morgana?" He cried, and she took another hasty step backwards. "Yes, I did lead Uther's men straight to the camp but by _accident_. I sent you to that camp so you could learn that magic can be used for good, and I remember how _terrified_ you felt when you had all those accidents and you had no idea what was happening to you so I thought it would _help_ you!"

Pausing, he applied more pressure to his bruised side again. "You don't know how much like Uther you really are, Morgana…"

Reacting in instant spite, Morgana leaned forward and grasped him by the collar roughly. Her eyes were wild. "I am nothing like my father, nothing!"

"But you are…whilst Uther was blinded by his hatred of magic, you are now blinded too…but by your pathway to revenge; and your hatred for the people you once loved, and the family you once cared for"

Releasing him suddenly, Morgana took a step back again and drew to her full height. Expecting the prevailing High Priestess to yell back in rage, he was surprised by the eerily distance voice that answered. "_Why is it that you never killed me, Merlin?_"

Thinking back to the uncountable opportunities he had to end her once and for all, Merlin debated silently with a heavy heart. Gaius had warned him frequently never to trust Morgana. The Great Dragon, Kilgharrah, had prophesised many different versions of events in which Merlin relied on Morgana…and he'd reminded him that none of them ended in good light. Even without these warnings, Merlin understood that Morgana had darkness inside her well before her magic surfaced; it was only that discovery that pushed her over the edge once and for all.

I-I don't know"

Even Morgana could see through the lie.

"I don't believe you" She stared at him pointedly, as if asking him to elaborate with her eyes.

He couldn't explain it. When Morgana had tried to kill Uther on the evening of her birthday, he had followed her and accidentally caused her to fall down the stairs resulting in the break of the cranium inside her skull. Gaius had attended to her to the best of his abilities but she remained unconscious. Merlin regretted the way he had chosen to stop Morgana but he knew that he had stopped a far worse event from playing out. It was only after watching everyone suffering; Gwen, Arthur, Uther, and the whole of Camelot were in pain…and because of _his_ actions. A few nights later, when Morgana was quite literally on her deathbed, he commanded Kilgharrah to hand him the power to save her.

But he was also lying if he denied any other reason for saving her.

"I couldn't let you die!" He admitted. The revelation must have startled Morgana as he watched her blink once, and then continue to stare at Merlin with the only sign of surprise in her newly widened eyes. The usual fire was still visible, but he was sure there was something else beginning to surface…

…but could he reach it in time?

", No matter what you did to me Morgana, and I recall you done a considerable amount of relentless capturing, torturing, and prolonged fighting, I couldn't let you die. Whether it was the memories of you, the _old_ you, that prevented me from doing so, I don't know. All I know is that right now; _you're_ here, and _I'm_ here. And I think a part of you knows that all this right here," He gestured around the forest half-heartedly. ", was inevitable no matter what choices we made."

"I was alone," She whispered; and the hurt was almost so powerful it was physical.

Merlin flinched.

Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears, and he knew with a grieving heart, that the girl he used to know was still there...even if she was buried 6 feet underground.

"Have you ever been alone, Merlin? Have you ever been _truly_ alone? The kind of alone when you have nothing, absolutely _nothing_, left but to take revenge against the people that deserted you. It doesn't leave time to reflect on the few good memories. Only the ones that drive you to power…"

Trailing off into silence, a lone tear drew a tainting line down her pale cheek; as if in that moment her emotions had betrayed her as well as the people she'd cared for and loved.

What would she have left in the world after revenge?

Nothing.

Suddenly re-aware of the sword he held, he shook everything but the image of his dying king out of his mind. Focus, Merlin; _focus!_

"I do blame myself for what you've become, but…_Morgana_…?" His eyes were burning as he watched the once fierce and powerful High Priestess collapse to her knees and fold in half gingerly; as if the inevitable weight of her actions had literally been brought down upon her in that very moment.

The growing silence was far worse than wounded cries, but Merlin would have sadly expected no less of the broken girl who kneeled like a stone warrior before him. Her entire persona was fading, shattering across the stars like broken glass.

There was only one thing he could do to save her now.

To save the memory of the girl he used to know.

_The girl he could have loved._

If only she had let him.

The sword in his hand now felt heavier than any other object in the entire world. He kneeled down next to Morgana, and the forest ground into his knees like tiny, sharp daggers every time he shifted.

"Morgana?" He clasped her shoulders gently in his shaking fingertips.

When she finally withdrew and her eyes met his, he almost gave into everything right then.

Gave in to all the anger he felt towards the heavy heart of destiny, and loyalty towards fate, and every other choice that had pulled the two of them so far apart, that everything between them was ripped and torn into oblivion.

And there was nothing to go back to.

"Goodbye"

The sword slid through her like a perfect fit. Any sound the driven steel made was overcome by the echoing sound of his heart pounding through his ears; bleeding across his brain as the life drained out of her crumpled body. She gasped as he eased the blade out, and neither of them could stop the tears this time.

All Merlin could think of in that tragic moment was not of all the wrongs she had committed, not of all the deaths she had been behind, or the lives she had blatantly ruined…but a small moment they had shared many years ago…

_Rescuing the druid boy Mordred had been a spur of the moment decision as he had told Morgana, and as they stood a few feet apart watching over him sleeping, he could not believe what he was hearing;_

"_What if magic isn't something you choose…what if it chooses you?" She had spoken so freely that Merlin had to pause and repeat it to himself. She had spoken as if she was just an ordinary girl allowed that opinion of magic, and not the King's ward whose beliefs against magic were as strong as iron._

_He could only stare in vain hope that he had found someone who he might one day confide in._

_Noticing his gaze, Morgana tilted her head slightly, arched an eyebrow at him, and asked; "Why are you looking at me like that?" _

_How could he reply to that? _

_He could not smile at her in carefree nature and reply "'I'm looking at you with the hope that one day I might tell you my secret. That I have magic, and feel like I'm hiding who I really am to everyone in Camelot. I'm also looking at you like that because you are King Uther's ward, and I worry that one day your spark, and your emotions, may lead yours opinions to escape into the wrong ears…'"_

_But he couldn't tell her, no matter how much he desired to._

"_Nothing" He murmured, and the conversation turned back to the druid boy once more…_

Back to the painful present, Merlin tried so hard to block out the horrible wheezing gasps and choking sounds escaping from Morgana. The sword now lay on the ground next to her; its job completed as it choked the life out of her one rasping breath at a time. Every time he tried to summon just one image of her empowering in blind hatred, slaughtering and massacring whoever stood in her path, his mind offered flashbacks of friendship, and the past they could never return to instead.

"_M…Mer…Merlin…_" Each syllable was accompanied by a half-sob, half-choke, and it pained him to the core.

"Please, don't talk…I can't take it…" He begged, the tears now flowing hotly down his cheeks.

She grasped his hand tightly in hers, the overgrown nails digging into his palm like unforgiving knives. "I…I…"

"Morgana, _please.._.don't you see? …_it has to be like this…._" He sobbed, pulling her towards him one last time, and just sat there. For what seemed like years, but what most likely could have been hours, or minutes, or seconds, they just wept together.

Tilting her head back weakly, Morgana peered up at him with the eyes of a ghost; haunted and terrified as she gazed into his eyes; the eyes of the boy who had always been destined to be her doom.

"_Merlin…" _She breathed heavily.

He was seconds away from collapsing inwards alongside her when she whispered;

"…_forgive_ _me_…"

Limply, her body shivered violently once, and then her full weight fell onto Merlin quickly and he knew she was gone. Forever.

Forgive me, she had asked.

_I already had, Morgana…_

_..I already had._

**Thank you for reading, and reviews are appreciated if you have the time **


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